Disclamer
It is to utmost importance to understand that content in the following story is not true. It is an alternative universe imaginary story that is closely based on facts but with a funny spin. Like a movie about Napoleon, you do not expect that every dialog and scene is as it unfolded in reality. In that case it will be documentary made by historians and not a Hollywood movie.
If it happens that something you read doesn’t fit your beliefs or narrative, it has to be because it didn’t happen at all in your universe.
Beginnings
How it all started... The Roman Empire broke into two halves right on the Drina River, along today's border between Bosnia and Serbia, approximately 300 years before the following imaginary occurrences. The main consequence is that further into the future, the western part adopted Roman Catholicism, while the eastern part embraced Constantinople Orthodox religion.
Early middle ages
In this alternative universe, a bunch of Slavic savages emigrated from the geographic area where present-day Ukraine and Poland are situated into the Balkan Peninsula. As it happens in any massive human emigration, new folks either integrate into local culture or they push locals into the sea. In this case, the sea's name is the Adriatic.
Those who survived the savage avalanche are Albanians, because the mountains are high there, and Greeks because they had Aristotle & Co., and as a consequence, everybody forever has to respect them. The happy Slavs split into tribes and made their tiny little shitty kingdoms.
1346
One of those little shitty kingdoms became, for unknown reasons, significant. Significant enough to be considered one of the most important kingdoms in Europe during that historic period. It originated as the Kingdom of Serbia. It was declared the Serbian Empire with the capital in Skopje (cool), and then the empire burned like a phoenix approximately twenty-five years later.
Unfortunately, at least for the vast majority of Slavs in the Balkans, the Serbs have inherited the pathological myth of being a heavenly people with a profound idea of rebuilding that same phoenix empire. This myth is alive to the present day and presents itself as a strong pain in the ass.
Turks
Huh, the Turks. Suleiman the Magnificent steamrolled the Balkan Peninsula in no time. Could that be to charm his dear Hürrem, while in reality he wanted to go shoplifting in Vienna, and the Balkans were there in between. The tiny little shitty Slavic kingdoms disappeared for long time.
What’s the legacy that Turks left?
Not too much, but things did stick. Islamic religion spread right around that above-mentioned Drina River, bringing strong cultural influence with it. And trade. Both were connected since if you voluntarily moved to Islam, economic prosperity was amplified. If not, you would stay an uneducated peasant. Free, yes. Could keep religion, yes. Could trade, yes.
For our story, the most important bit is that Balkan states became colonies run from outside, and for hundreds of years, nobody in the Balkans had any opportunity to learn how to govern an independent state, something that will become important once the Turks are gone.
Austria & Hungary
Around the year 1700, the Austro-Hungarian Empire spread into the Balkans. Lands that are present day Slovenia, Croatia, and those near by became a periphery of future liberal Western Europe. That was great, as in that period, Europe was moving forward fast: culturally, politically, economically and socially. The western parts of Balkans jumped on that train for free.
However, it became a huge problem in itself, as not only did the Turks bring Islam between two Christian tribes, created as per the wish of ancient splitting Rome, but the Austrians made tribes in the west more educated. That is going to evolve in a matter of huge importance later in history.
Mid journey recap
Since we are entering the period from 1800 to 1870, let's recap a few important bits.
The western parts of the Balkans are predominantly Catholic, better educated, and more developed economically. The eastern parts are Orthodox, with higher illiteracy rates and poorer economic conditions. In between are the same Slavs, but those who voluntarily converted from unrecognised (in Rome and Constantinople) Bosnian christian church to Islam are somewhere in the middle economically. Culturally, they are unsure but different. And nobody knows how to run an independent state. A big fucking problem.
1878
Starting in 1800, the Balkans began to experience unrest. The desire for freedom from foreign rulers started to emerge, and although armed unrests were common in the previous 400 years, this time it started to become serious. Parts under the Ottoman Empire, which started to fall apart around this time, and in particular those where Serbs were living, were affected.
As a consequence, and for the first time since 1348, the Serbian independent state was reestablished. Brave people indeed. The same happened in Montenegro. Unfortunately, Bosnia didn’t become independent; instead, it became part of the Austro-Hungarian Empire.
Why did the same not happen in Bosnia? Arguably, because of the following:
- Bosnian Catholics (Croats) wanted to join their brothers in Croatia, which was part of the Austrian Empire.
- The Bosnian Muslim population saw what happened to the Albanian Muslim population in and around the wider Niš area (they were forcefully pushed back to Kosovo under Turkish control), and as Muslim mosques were burnt in the newly born Serbian Kingdom, they were wondering what to do. The majority stayed neutral. Many rich Bosnian Muslim individuals emigrated to the Sandjak area and others directly to Turkey itself. In that process, they lost their riches though. Those who stayed in Bosnia did not.
That’s it. Or not?
This is a pivotal moment in this historic period, in this alternate universe of ours, as the Serbian state did not choose to pursue peace and spread ideas of freedom to help others in the Balkans become free. Instead, they decided that recovering the Serbian Empire was worth a hard try. Not only that, but the proto-fascist idea that all Balkan Slavs are Serbs regardless of their religion starts to flourish around the same time. And the consequences are felt even today in the year 2024 as above mentioned pain in the ass...
Another important element that will spread throughout the whole Balkans in the coming years is ethnic and religious cleansing initiated in the newly established Serbian Kingdom. They pushed out ethnic Albanians but not Serbian Muslims (as they called them), since they had a plan to convert them back to Christianity (as per that Serbian Empire dream).
Whose next? Montenegro, Macedonia, Kosovo, and Bosnia... at least, that’s where they acted. Was Bulgaria in their plans? We will never know. It could be, since Tito had a similar idea in 1945. The idea didn’t suddenly come out of nowhere.
Balkan wars (1913)
Four little pigs joined forces to fight bloody wolf. The pigs are: Serbs, Greeks, Bulgarians & Albanians. The wolf, as you can imagine a Turkey